green eyed monster

before i can even formulate
this thought
these words
completely,
i am choking on them
but i think them
nonetheless
and, please, do not misinterpret
this
but
i hate you
sometimes
how you can just
look at a person
and make them fall in love
and you just know
the right things to say
to a person
to make them fall in love
i hate
how you don't even have to
try.
because you are just so
beguiling
and
enchanting
and i don't want to feel this way
or have these thoughts
because
i shouldn't care so much
but i do.
and i know that i am just being
petty
and jealous (you know how i hate to be jealous)
and altogether
girlish and childlike
then again i suppose that i honestly am
all these things
which is why
sometimes
i hate you
(because)
you make me
hate
myself.