25 October 2009

tired and trying

and i'm sitting here
listening to one sad concerto for cello
after another
and i'm looking through all these
old family photographs
and polaroids
of us

and i really wish that i could smoke in my room
surrounded by all this
black satin
and memorabilia
from previous life gone by

and i'm feeling nostalgic
i guess
or at least maybe i'm trying to feel that way.
trying to feel anything
besides this

this constant fear & anxiety
and i think
i must be
or something
because i want
so badly
to feel
i'm just trying to feel.

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