how do you say

i wouldn't call it lonely.
i'm surrounded by people.
i've all these friends.
loved ones
people who care
i wouldn't call it lonely, exactly.
i wouldn't even say alone.
we're not. i'm not. no one really is
alone.
because
we're all in this together
"all together now!"
together
and apart.
all together, on our own.
we're all on our own.
all alone together.
show me someone who isn't alone
i'll show you
you.
you could call it lonely.
you are all alone.

thou shall not covet

i don't want what you have
that doesn't interest me
i desire not for that which you posses
really
and i know you don't believe me
i'm not sure if i believe me
convince me, please, that i don't want
what you have

no reason

i just don't know what to say anymore.
this all feels so forced.
i can't make this flow.
i keep forgetting.
i keep.
keep.

must let go.

probably not what you think

sit and think and wonder why
think about that
sit and drink and dwell on the lies
obsess about that
sit and think and why did i try
sink into your thoughts
sit and drink and let yourself cry
on the brink of self-realization
sit and think and what would it be like to fly
when you've lost your concentration
sit and drink and you've already said good-bye
when you've reached that point
sit and think and it's okay to die
so let go.

self worth

how worth it is this?
how worth it is anything, ever, really?
there comes a point.
the point.
and you're
fed up
knocked up
doped up
you've fucked up.
and you break
because that's all that there is left
to do.
so was it even worth it?

you won't remember what this was

kids playing quarters in the back of a classroom.
incomprehensible equations and formulas in the front.
and in the middle, where i sit, next to you
everything is calm.
all around is a world of chaos that i can not get a grasp on.
all around me things don't make sense.
all around me, things fall apart.
all around me, a life i thought i knew comes crashing down.
incomprehensible equations and formulas.
kids playing quarters.
and sitting here
in the rubble of my ruined life
next to you
i am calm.
and it all makes sense.

yesterday today tomorrow last night

I don't know where to start.
I don't know where we end.
How do you begin something that has yet to reach a conclusion?
End all.
Be all.
Have all.
Ashes, ashes, we all fall
down.
Pockets full of posies.
pose.
freeze.
Now you're stuck, and it's the end.
So where do you go from here?
Where do we start?
When does this end?

pools of haunted kool-aid

Bite down
and taste the sulfur.
spirits every where.
soak them up
absorb the souls.
bite down.
taste
salt and blood
sulfur and wine.

bite your tongue
swallow your words.
taste the blood.
feel the tears.

you break my heart.

are we strangers?

trying to remember
the way we were
the thing that was
where it all went

how can i remember
something i never knew

i will pretend that you will be gone

i don't know what to say anymore.
my driving force
has crashed.

there's nothing left
and the way you said
i'm sorry

hollow.

we won't go on
like this.

missing flight

i think i can see, now, that i was just your substitute. for her.
and now that she's coming back, what's to become of us?
everything is going to change.
it won't be the same.
you'll want her more.
you'll want me less.
and i'll want you just the same.
nothing is going to change.
for me.

passing of time

i can't stop the breathing.

there's talking. conversation. inane. i'm in pain.

i can't stop breathing. i'm going insane.

i can't leave. stuck inside my head.

raindrops falling from the eaves

like blood draining from a wounded soul.

i can't stop breathing.

chest heaving. wracked with pain.

my heart is bleeding.

seething anger, my words won't flow.

cigarette ash falls like snow.

there's no where left to go.

but down.

i can't stop breathing.

couldn't tell you what happens

i feel like i'll be going along with my life, just fine, convincing myself that things have gotten easier, and then all of a sudden, it's like it all happened yesterday, and i'm rendered helpless, paralyzed with pain and sadness and the sting of memories and the way things were. then in moments, it will all have passed, like this tremendous hurricane of hurt.
and i'm left floating on my raft, bruised and battered, stranded in the middle of the ocean.
barely breathing and completely turned around, wondering what-ever happened.
and where to go from here.

what words are worth

wordswordswords words wordswords words wordswords words words words more fucking words all we are, just these god damned words words without meaning words for the sake of sound.
words god damned words cut apart and strung back together.
i can keep them from escaping if i pin them to the page.
and the pieces and they're falling and i'm falling into pieces.
broken pieces.

gotta get outta here

i'm so excited, i could barf.

i can hardly remember

.

.

.

i'm just looking for a voice... i'm afraid i've sold mine to the devil.

.

.

.

glass and bone

hurting so much. not really sure why. heart feels shattered. glass and bone crashing down around me. watershed of pain and anger, keeping me from whatever could have become of this life. who's even listening anymore. should have seen the signs.
falling apart, piece by piece. ever day, something else, chipping away at the facade of happiness. who ever said i had to be happy? maybe i want to stay in bed all day, eyes leaking salt and liquid pain, imagining the way things might have been. maybe i don't want the sun to come out. i can be content in this gloom and fog. at least in it, i know i am not alone.