these kids are sid

let'sss play with our toys

yes, let'sss play

we can share!

yeah okay!

okay

okay yeah? well

maybe

maybe i don't wanna share

my toys

with

these kids

anymore

because

these guys

these guys are like

Sid. ya know? like sending my

baby-doll's head

soaring off into the

clouds, strapped to a roman candle

or my teddy bear's legs

broken,

okay? so maybe

i just don't wanna share

anymore.

First Star On the Right

so

i like to draw with crayons

so

i like having a juice-box to drink

and

i'll eat cheerios for breakfast

any time of day

and

so what

if i want to wear a tu-tu

sometimes

or even

fairy wings and

glitter

(only every day)

okay? so what!

like this i think i can

click my heels together and

end up

at home

just like this,

you see?

so yeah, okay,

there might be monsters

under my bed but

so what?

and yeah, okay,

i might play with play-doh

sometimes but

so what?

i like things that are

soft and

full of air or

fluff and

i am always learning because

like this

i never stop asking

why? and

yeah, okay,

so maybe i might

throw a tantrum

from time to time

but

isn't that just what it is?

it goes like this and

if you need to find me

you'll know where to look.

too many windows

so now... wait. where?

let's go investigate

wait, hold on . . .

hold on. no i'm ready

but it's a trap, wait!

0123456789

don't spill this we're catching bugs to torture

with bubbles and

boiling water and

little plastic houses with

too many windows...

like we are in love with this place "though

its too many windows" and desert lillies blooming

scarlet veins or wisps of dreams gone to faintly by

but we try to remember.

*

*

*

do you recall

right now, right now i

can't help but

remember

the way

you

move

from room to room

and

the way you

sip your coffee, your tea, your wine

the trembling of your slender hands

cigarette clutched delicately between your cold

cold fingers

i do remember that,

clearly

your hands were always cold

even when i held them in mine

the coldness stayed.

when did this happen?

how did we get so

far

far from that place

it would be nice to visit

maybe

sometime

don't you think?

because right now

right now

i can't help but

remember

green velvet couches

and

my head in your lap

you running your fingers through my hair

i never could stay awake like that

it's hard for me,

remembering things

all the things that happened

but i know that it is important

to try

and some things

well

some things never leave

like

the way your hands trembled

or

the feeling of your icy fingers

laced through mine

and the way you moved

from room to room.

"... all i know is that you're so nice ..."

scent of purple cotton candy transports me back to opium den barn burnt squares of aluminum foil that yellow 1970s kitchen empty pen casings halves of straws purple cotton candy scented smoke loss of feeling DISASSOCIATION now we are numb and this is just the way we get by and we do what we can what we have to and just another quarter tonight (waittheseare60snot80s) so just another little quarter - we'llshareit - tonight maybe and maybe you've done enough now and maybe purple cotton candy smells too sweet and maybe just maybe we're killing ourselves this time so maybe you've done enough and i think you need to stop and you tell me that you can't and i am scared because i love you and i know that you have to stop and i also know that you can't and i am scared because i love you and i don't know how to help you and i want you to get better because i love you and i want to help but i don't know how anymore. i just want you to be okay without this and i am scared because you can't stop and

I LOVE YOU

and please, you have to stop killing yourself because

you are killing me too.

for wesley

Let's play a game

I'll write a poem

in 25 lines or maybe less

and it will be

specific and

straight

to the point.

a hook and a jab

a sucker-punch

right in the gut.

They'll never see it coming.

They won't know what hit 'em.

Right outta left field!

We'll catch 'em off guard.

That's the way to win a war.